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Archive for December, 2010

Father’s daycare..

December 31, 2010 Leave a comment

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea”, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!” My Mom waited, and sure enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know… 🙂 “Did it ever occur to you that “. “The only place that your daughter can reach to get water is the toilet?”

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Categories: Joke, Story

A claver Young Man…

December 30, 2010 Leave a comment

A young man walked into a jeweller store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a Rs.5,000.00 ring and showed it to him.

The young man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only Rs.40,000.00, “the jeweller said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The young man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the young man stated, “By cheque.”

“I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon. ”

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the young man.There’s no money in that account.”

“I know “, said the young man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”

Categories: Joke, Story

Abortion in the ears…..Brilliant!

December 29, 2010 Leave a comment

This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah…. he is a gynecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer….enjoy this extremely funny story.

My wife is an ENT Surgeon, while I am a Gynecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.

“Please come in. Be seated.” I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. “Relax.”

“Doctor, will this hurt a lot?”

“Not at all.”

The patient relaxed visibly. “You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed.”

I was shocked. “Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications.”

“I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn’t budge.”

I smiled and said, “If it were that easy, who would need doctors?”

She gave a cute smile and said, “Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick.”

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.

“Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?”

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, “There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night.”

Now it was the patient’s turn to be confused, “You mean to say that it happens only at night?”

I saw her point. “No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection.”

She was even more confused, “It depends on my moods?”

Again I saw her point. “My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens.”

“My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside.”

“You mean that pin man?”

“Yeah!”

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. “You were wise not to heed his advice.”

“But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work.”

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.

“But have you taken your husband’s permission?”

Now the patient looked confused. “Do I have to take my husband’s permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year.”

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of ‘those’ cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. “No! No! The husband’s sign is not at all needed.”

“However, I did inform him on phone.”

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn’t know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. “Its good that you came a bit early.”

“Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work.”

“Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat.”

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, “You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days.”

By now, the poor patient was trembling, “how-H-How much bleeding?”

“Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so.”

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, “Why don’t you lie down on the examination table? Remove your clothes and relax.”

This was the final straw. She didn’t even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

Categories: Joke, Story

A Real Day in life.

December 28, 2010 Leave a comment

A conversation between a soldier and software engineer in Shatabdi Train.

Mr. Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man. He was the project manager and still not entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

‘Are you from the software industry sir,’ the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop.

Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.

‘You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir. Today everything is getting computerized.’

‘Thanks,’ smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation.

‘You people always amaze me,’ the man continued, ‘You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside.’

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naiveness demanded reasoning not anger. ‘It is not as simple as that, my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it.’ ‘It is complex, very complex.’

‘It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid,’ came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone. ‘ Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in.

‘Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?’

The man was awestuck; quite like a child at a planetarium. ‘You design and code such things’.

‘I used to,’ Vivek paused for effect, ‘but now I am the project manager.’

‘Oh!’ sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, ‘so your life is easy now.’

This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, ‘Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work..

Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality. To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end, always changing his requirements, the user at the other, wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday.’ ‘My friend,’ he concluded triumphantly, ‘you don’t know what it is to be in the Line of Fire’.

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization. When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.

‘I know sir. I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire’. He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.

‘There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom.In the morning when we finally hoisted the Tricolour at the top only 4 of us were alive.’

‘You are a…?’

‘I am Subhedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment. But, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier. On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself. He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the “Safety and Welfare of the Nation foremost followed by the Safety and Welfare of the Men” he commanded and his own personal safety came last, always and every time.’ ‘He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker. Every morning thereafter, as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir. I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire.’

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes. The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subhedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

‘It was nice meeting you sir.’

Vivek fumbled with the handshake. This hand had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tricolour. Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute. It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS: The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awarded Param Vir Chakra, the nation’s highest military award, and after that as is known about this nation, all such sacrifices of our soldiers are conveniently forgotten and that’s the saddest part.

Please live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn, winners are …..

– too busy to be sad,
– too positive to be doubtful,
– too optimistic to be fearful
– and too determined to be defeated
– Self-trust is the first secret of success.

Categories: Story

Two friends

December 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert .

One is called George one is called Micheal .

They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis , with what looked like an emirate of a mosque in the middle .

Micheal said to George : “Look let’s pretend we are muslim, otherwise these Arabs are going to kill us . I am going to call my self Mohammed.”

George refused to change his name , he said :” My name is George , and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am . …George .”

The Immam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names .

Micheal said : “My name is Mohammed .”

George said : My name is George. ”

The Immam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said :

” Please bring some food and water for George only .”

Then he turned to the other and said :

” Well Mohammed, I hope you are aware that we are still in the holy month of Rhamadan .”

Categories: Joke, Story

Ripples.

December 26, 2010 Leave a comment

A man was sitting by a lake. He was throwing small pebbles into it from time to time.

A young boy happened to cross by. He was intrigued to see that after every few minutes or so, the man would toss a pebble into the lake.

The boy went up to the man and said, “Good pastime, this stone throwing, he?” “Hmmm,” said the man.

He seemed to be deep in thought and obviously did not wish to be disturbed.

Sometime later, the man said softly, “Look at the water, it is absolutely still.”

The boy said, “Yeah, it is.”

The man tossed a pebble into the water and continued, “Only till I toss a pebble into it now do you see the ripples?”

“Yeah,” said the boy, “they spread further and further.”

“And soon, the water is still again,” offered the man.

The boy said, “Sure, it becomes quiet, after a while.”

The man continued, “What if we want to stop the ripples? The root cause of the ripples is the stone. Lets take the stone out. Go ahead and look for it.”

The boy put his hand into the water and tried to take the stone out.

But he only succeeded in making more ripples. He was able to take the stone out, but the number of ripples that were made in the process were a lot more than before.

The wise man said, “It is not possible to stop the movement of the water once a pebble has been thrown into it. But if we can stop ourselves from throwing the pebble in the first place, the ripples can be avoided altogether! So too, it is with our minds. If a thought enters into it, it creates ripples. The only way to save the mind from getting disturbed is to block and ban the entry of every superfluous thought that could be a potential cause for disturbance. If a disturbance has entered into the mind, it will take its own time to die down. Too many conflicting thoughts just cause more and more disturbances. Once the disturbance has been caused it takes time to ebb out. Even trying to forcibly remove the thought may further increase the turmoil in the mind. Time surely is a great healer, but prevention is always better than cure.”

Before you allow a thought or a piece of information to enter your mind, put it through the triple filter test of authenticity, goodness and value.

Categories: Story

Classic Movie Dialogues

December 25, 2010 Leave a comment

Categories: Cartoons, My Favourites