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Archive for February, 2011

Pink Curtain

February 28, 2011 Leave a comment

A woman enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,

“I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains”. The salesman assures her that they have a large election of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns, but the woman seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The woman promptly replies, “fifteen inches” “Fifteen inches???” asked the salesman.

“That sounds very small, what room are they for?” The woman tells him that they aren’t for a room; they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “but Miss, computers do not need curtains!”

The woman says, “Hellllooooooooo …………. I’ve got Windoooooows!”

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Categories: Joke, Story

An official love letter

February 27, 2011 Leave a comment

To

Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 5th of February (Sunday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Feb. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broad minded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo (HR Manager)

Categories: Joke, Love

News Reporting…

February 26, 2011 Leave a comment

A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog.

When the dog is about to bite the woman, the man intervenes and kicks the dog.

A reporter was seeing all this. He said “That was great. I’ll definitely publish this in newspaper.

Tomorrow the headline will be ‘LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG’.”

The man replied “Thank you, but I’m not from here. I am from US”.

Reporter: “OK. Then the headline will be US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG”.

Man: Actually, I live in US but I’m not a US citizen. I’m a Pakistani national”.

Next day, the headline in the paper read….

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TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG.

Categories: Joke, Story

Weather Service

February 25, 2011 Leave a comment

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked “Is the coming winter going to be cold?” “It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it Going to be a very cold winter?” “Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “It’s definitely going to be a very cold winter. ”

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely” , the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever. ” “How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, “The Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy.”

Categories: Joke, Story

Sardarji

February 24, 2011 Leave a comment

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn’t understand Hindi had occupied his son’s berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, “That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child.”

Categories: Joke, Story

We(O)man

February 23, 2011 Leave a comment

1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don’t we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face Men: Alright, why don’t we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm….. I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It’s been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it’s a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a caffeine and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything

3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it… for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can’t walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s have dinner first?
Women: Whatever…
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..

4. (ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do i have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when i call u in the morning u didn’t pick up? Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn’t pick up? Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn’t pick up? Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 pm?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn’t you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: OK then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk. Women: Anytime.

Categories: family, Joke

some information about Coconut Water

February 22, 2011 Leave a comment

Here is some information about Coconut Water:

‘It’s a natural isotonic beverage, with the same level of electrolytic balance as we have in our blood. It’s the fluid of life, so to speak.’

During the Pacific War of 1941-45, both sides in the conflict regularly used coconut water – siphoned directly from the nut – to give emergency plasma transfusions to wounded soldiers..

Most coconut water is still consumed fresh in tropical coastal areas –
once exposed to air, the liquid rapidly loses most of its organoleptic and nutritional characteristics, and begins to ferment.

Coconut Water is More Nutritious than whole milk – Less fat and NO cholesterol!

Coconut Water is More Healthy than Orange Juice – Much lower calories

Coconut Water is Better than processed baby milk- It contains lauric acid, which is present in human mother’s milk

Coconut water is naturally sterile — Water permeates though the filtering husk!

Coconut water is a universal donor– Its identical to human blood plasma

Coconut Water is a Natural Isotonic Beverage – The same level we have in our blood.

Coconut water has saved lives in 3rd world countries thru Coconut IV.

Coconut water is the very stuff of Nature, biologically Pure, full of Natural Sugars, Salts, and Vitamins to ward off fatigue… and is the next wave of energy drinks BUT natural!’, according to Mortin Satin, Chief of the United Nation’s Food & Agriculture Organization.

Coconut water contains more potassium (at about 294 mg) than most sports drinks (117 mg) and most energy drinks..

Coconut water has less sodium (25mg) where sports drinks have around 41mg and energy drinks have about 200mg!

Coconut water has 5mg of Natural Sugars where sports and energy drinks range from 10-25mg of Altered Sugars.

Coconut water is very high in Chloride at 118mg; compared to sports drinks at about 39mg.

Data is based on a 100ml drink

Categories: Technical